Dating a serious white man
(Though, in that respect, I guess I do have e Harmony and Match to thank for my writing career.) Armed with years of slow-churned cynicism, I took to the internet to see if others shared my experiences.
What I uncovered were some harsh realities about online dating that no one ever talks about.
However, I'm not so sure that I truly am open to the idea as much as I am curious.
Although I want to feel beautiful in my own skin, there's something in me that still feels the need to subscribe to some semblance of Eurocentric beauty standards.
One is named after Nathan Bedford Forrest, a lieutenant general in the Confederate Army. Both are men I would trust to raise and protect my son should the need arise. Or wonder whether Justin Timberlake’s prowess on the dance floor translated into, well, other areas. It was not a hard-and-fast rule, as in: I don’t date white guys.
Men of character, wit and charisma, alongside whom I have spent some of the best times of my life. East and South Asians, Persians, Arabs, Native Americans, Polynesians — all options as far as I was concerned. Then came the night my girlfriend jokingly called me a racist after I rejected a list of possible options, including her brilliant and cute brother, because they just were “not my type,” my longtime code for “melanin-deficient.” We laughed about it. I pride myself on being open and accepting people at face value, yet, consciously or not, I was writing off millions of single and potentially interesting American men simply because they were white.
All seem no more or less happy than other couples I know.
But that situation was one of the many moments I realized that dating outside of my race wasn’t for me.
After all, he volunteered to cook for me, which was touchingly sweet, and I certainly didn’t want to ruin the dinner by complaining about microbe-infested, bland fried chicken cutlets.
And I haven't even done that on a personal level so to do that with a partner, it seems next to impossible.
Men who have protected and supported me through some of the darkest days of my life. I might even spend an evening charming some former frat bros at the bar for my personal amusement. It was just there in the back of my mind: I can hang out, work with, live next to and even call white men friends, but I don’t date them. Made me feel a bit hypocritical and narrow-minded, two states I actively work to avoid.