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We don’t usually hear directly from these “minimally sexual” types.Instead, we hear from their maximally unhappy partners, i.e., the “normally sexual persons” who find themselves unhappily married to and/or otherwise stuck with minimally sexual persons.I liked this conclusion, as it was a sexual identity that made sense for me. I soon realized that I was unlike those people, too.It turns out that they have no sexual attractions either way, whereas I comfortably identify as a straight male.I look when a pretty girl walks past (much to the chagrin of an asexual I dated for a short time), I like to kiss and I enjoy some genital contact – but I’m in the mood for penetration very rarely.Asexuals seemed to be turned off by physical intimacy.Unless you’re more interested in sex than you let on, and you find the idea of a normally sexual partner appealing because a normal might be able to help you build your confidence and learn to enjoy sex.I certainly hope you’re not another asexual/minimally sexual person who wants a normally sexual partner because you take a perverse pleasure in depriving someone else of sex, constantly rejecting that person’s advances, and ultimately destroying their confidence.
Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
CONFIDENTIAL TO THE UNIVERSITY of Maryland: I was supposed to speak on your campus last Thursday night, but God had other plans.
I was at the Cornerstone bar when the blizzard really started slamming and power lines started catching fire and all hell broke loose.
Q: As a 43-year-old single gay guy, I recently had my first spanking experience and am now feeling extreme guilt and self-loathing.
I was in a very long-term vanilla relationship for most of my adult life and never got to experience anything remotely kinky, but I've had an interest in it.